Perfection

I found out last weekend in training that I have an "excessive" carrying angle in my elbow.  This isn't a disease or problem, it's kind of more like people who can hyperextend their elbows, its just sort of weird.  Here's what I'm talking about:   I'm more like the one on the right.  Also when I was in 9th grade, I was a cheerleader, (look at you, thinking you know me) and was learning how to pick girls up  when something happened to my shoulder.  It didn't fully dislocate, but it hurt bad enough to make me cry, and from then on I had to be the back spotter (lame :P), but I'm pretty sure my shoulder doesn't move in my socket correctly now, and cheerleading might be to blame.  Yes, that's right, I am the girl who got hurt cheerleading, so that all cheerleaders could talk about how dangerous their sport really is.  (Ha. ha.  I don't think it's a sport, don't worry, neither is cross country.)

SO anyways...  I am constantly thinking about my stupid shoulder in yoga.  It pops when I try to put it in the "safe" position, where it wraps forward.  It is much easier and more comfortable to "sink" into my shoulder joint.  Every single time I raise my arms about my head, whether for utthita hastasana in tadasana or downward facing dog, I have to consciously re-position my shoulder.  Sometimes when listening to a teacher's cue's I just can't do it.  My right shoulder can "wrap" just fine, but my left one won't budge.  Or they say to spin my biceps to face each other, and I AM but really its just my carrying angle that makes it super easy for my biceps to be where they are supposed to while my shoulders are still not where they are supposed to be.  It's frustrating.  I thought if I did yoga enough it would fix itself.  The joint would figure it out and stop popping; my muscles would get stronger and I'd look perfect by now; but so far... nope.  My postures have improved and my arms are stronger, but my shoulder is still something I have to think about and work on.  And as I was settling into my savasana after a pretty good class on Tuesday I thought to myself "Why is my shoulder such a problem.  I just want to be able to be perfect."

Cue the Tibetan bowls, ding, ding ding!  DUH!  It's okay to be imperfect.  My shoulder is imperfect because we have imperfections.  I am a human being.   I have to do yoga and work with my postures as best I can with what I am given.  I cannot will my body to be a perfect yoga body and come into every posture with beauty and ease.  And that's fine.

That's actually the whole freaking point.  That whatever I can do, whatever work it takes, whatever the posture that is right for me looks like, that is MY perfect intended posture in that moment.  Maybe it will change over time.  Maybe it won't.  It's fine.  Yoga teaches us to acknowledge and accept our imperfections.  Physical and otherwise.  It makes no more sense for me to be frustrated with my wonky shoulder than it does to pout and hate myself over the fact I sometimes (okay, often) put my foot in my mouth.  We are all imperfect and that won't change (well, maybe you can be a buddha one day... idk).  We can get better and work hard with all our imperfections, but no changes will ever come if we aren't first okay with having them.  My shoulder forces me to focus and work harder, not to frustrate me and make me feel inferior, but to remind me to make peace with myself, exactly as I am.

So I urge you to remind yourself often, that you are okay just as you are.  That if you never changed or improved, you would still be "perfect." I don't mean just fine or acceptable.  You are in fact, a perfect and complete being right now, exactly as you are.


Namaste.