Cruise boat!

Its 4 pm and Im in the music bar of a Ukrainian cruise ship drinking a giant beer. On stage I guess what could be called karioke is happening. Karioke with paid back up singers of all classic russian songs everyone knows and the kind that speed up as they go along. My favorite member of the band is the extremely over weight back up singer in a majenta top with make up and hair like a drag queen who just ran backstage for a costume change and is currently sans wig.

The man next to me Is so drunk he was laughing and then it seemlsly morphed into sobbing until his head fell to the bar and stayed there. He is now lamenting in Russian about something I'm sure is sad, but I can't understand him so I just keep repeating tri goda (3 years) and nodding in agreement.

A bartender is wearing friendship bracelets. Im ready for a nap. Ooo! I know this one! Strangers in the night!

-- Post From My iPod

Please don't say I told you so

So you were right. My mom was right. Everyone was right. (an attractive) woman should not travel alone in turkey. Earlier this week I had a run in with a man who lied to me until I finally took a stand and by that point I didn't know where I was. I've been harassed daily. I've refused shady offer after shady offer and with a smile. But last night was the final straw. Turkish men are disgusting rude jerks, and they are a major reason I am leaving this country so soon.

Last night guner put me on a bus to Istanbul where Ill catch a ferry to Odessa. I like long drives and they have hilariously nice road stops, so I was looking forward to some nice time with my thoughts and music. These buses are common and a lot like planes with a flight attendant offering drinks and meals and making sure they don't leave without anyone. I had a set of seats to myself right in front of his prep area and settled in to get some sleep.

Within minutes I felt weird nudging on my back but when I checked nothing was there. I assumed this was how it felt when my seat got bumped into. Oh well. Minutes later I felt a hand brush up on my arm. It was coming from the steward reaching up between the seats. Odd. But obviously he was just keeping his balance.

I dozed. He brushed my leg with his hand. And again on his way back... And lingered? By the time I woke up to find his hand coming through the seat to rest on my upper inner thigh I was in too deep. I yanked my body away thinking he'd get the message. By the point his hand hovered next to my ass I just held my breath and faked being asleep until he fully grabbed it and I pulled away again because I was just too confused,shocked, and upset to know what else to do. He'd grope. I'd pull away with fear... How else do you say no without causing a scene? I know I should have caused a scene but I was at such a loss. I curled up in a tight scared ball, leaving nothing touchable. I felt the same nudging I had in the very beginning of the ride, his fingers pushing up between the seat cushion and back to touch my back.

I called Trent when we stopped. He reminded that this was not okay and eventually when I cowered away from a probing hand, I tapped it and made my angriest face a shook my head no. He only did it a few more times after that because "no" in turkey aparently means "keep trying, I'm into it" and he did the boob brush when serving me tea. But I mean, at that point, the old brush trick could be considered polite.

I was so excited to get off that bus I left my phone on it. Not every man I met here is terrible, just most. I'm gone.



-- Post From My iPod

Sea Leaps (and dance parties)

My first real day in Gumusluk, it was hot, but oh yeah, I lived under a minute walk from "the beach" (which has nothing to do with sand, btw) so I suited up and headed down. My options were a stone pier sprinkled with tattered wooden sun umbrellas and weathered chairs, or a big hotel cove-like beach, sprinkled with topless italians and spoiled kids. Pier it was!

I took in the sun for a while, and sort of reflected on where I was and what the fuck I was doing there. I wasn't sure about much. I knew I would be okay. I knew I needed to be free. And when "My Girls" from the latest Animal Collective album came on (wink, wink), I knew I needed to dance.

So I did. I was NOT alone on the pier. I was highly visibly to the hotel crowd. I was wearing headphones, so no one else could hear the music. But I got up and danced the shit out of it (in a bikini). I continued to dance for a couple more boppy tunes, and then pumped myself up for my next big move. I was going to jump into the sea. This task seems simple enough, but honestly, some pretty big waves come rolling in. Not to mention, that not knowing the temperature of something you are about to submerge yourself in always makes a moment intense. I picked a pump up song (KC Accidental, if you really care) and wandered the edge for a while. I got dramatic and told myself all about what this jump meant, and how very important it was to jump even though it was scary. A life metaphor that I needed in that moment. And eventually I counted to 3 (in Turkish) and leapt off the edge of the pier.

I came up and laughed out loud. The water was cool, but comfortable. The salt so dense that you couldn't help but float. The waves rolled in a way that fighting them was impossible and you had to either ride over them or dive underneath. It was exhilerating to say the least.
Almost every day since then I've made a point (after working on my tan) to have a tiny private dance party and jump into the sea. It still was daunting and scary, but everyday I reminded myself how important it was to take that leap. Slowly but surely it got more easy and I found myself swimming farther and farther away from the pier. Today I had my very last dance party and jumped into the sea for the last time for a while.

This is where the magic happens! The end of the pier has seen many a headphones dance party from me followed by a chicken shit leap that usually involves me screaming and everyone else laughing.

This is an abandoned half built hotel that I really wanted to make into my fort, but didn't have the guts to explore alone.

This is the hotel swimming area I never use because its full of tourists and children, two of my least favorite things.

You speak english too?!

I met Americans! It seems a little hypocritical to say you are running away to see the world, and yet flock with glee toward the sound of a midwest accent, but I was getting really tired of not being able to communicate. So when I was out on my own in a crazy crowded party town, and heard English, I took advantage of it. Excruciatingly, I bumped into the first Americans I have found in Turkey at a bar called "The White House." Of course.

We got drizza drunk. Boys hit on German girls. I left on my own and ended up meeting the Turkish guy my mother warned me about (quite literally). But the next night the Americans actually called me to invite me to go on a boat trip with them. So I went.

These trips are pushed hard here in Bodrum, and basically you get on a boat in the morning, and they tool you around to different picturesque locations and you swim and lay in the sun and they blast the same thumping pop music on repeat. But it still rocked. I swam, I tanned, I laughed. It was nice.
Tolga and some crazy dude cutting up sea urchines, which i was warned not to eat because they were "Viagra."

Chrissy and Timur jump off the boat into the BLUE water.

Okay... so obviously these boat trips aren't a secret or anything.

This picture is purely meant to point out how gorgeous the water was. With goggles on you could see all the "creatures." Beautiful.

This is kind of what our boat looked like. Most of our jumping then happened from that top level. Also one cliff face we found.

I ended up hanging out with them a couple more times. It felt safe and comfortable, which are feelings I've lacked lately. Its nice to have people who want to take shots around! Last night we went out in Bodrum, and I ended up taking the very last "mini bus" back to Gumusluk (a 40 minute ride). I walked in slightly before 6 am to find Guner rummaging about in the kitchen. When I niavely asked what he was doing up at that hour, he reminded me that he gets up that early every morning. Oh.

Edgar the loveable

So a two days ago I went for a run and I passed by a big ole dog. Me being me, I gave him a head rub and talked to him a bit and ran on, and he apparently liked it so much he decided to come! He ran with me for at least half a mile, probably more (i'm bad with distances). Sometimes he bounded next to me smiling, sometimes he'd run ahead, and sometimes I'd loose him behind me, but turn around to see him chasing to catch up. I named him Edgar. Eventually we passed by some boys who had bread, and I didn't see Edgar again.

Until my next run when I saw him sitting on the side of the road. I was so happy to see him and gave him some good petting, and told him to "Stay" as I ran home (and he did).

Last night, I was coming in from a crazy night in Bodrum at around 4. I was walking from the point on the main street where public transportation drops you off to my house and I was really in a shit tastic angry mood. And then I saw him, curled up in a driveway. EDGAR!!! I walked up to him, a little scared to wake such a big, fully balled dog, but he was happy to see me! I sat down and hugged him and cuddled and rubbed his belly. I needed his loving to fix my sour mood. And when I started to walk home. He came. He came right up to the house. I brought him out some cold cuts but he didn't want them. He wanted to stay with me and wouldn't take no for an answer. I tried to shut him out on the porch and he stood by the door looking in. So I caved. I totally brought him inside and all the way up the roof (where I was sleeping) and he without any hesitation curled up next to the bed and slept there. I fell asleep to the sound of him licking *ahem* himself. This morning I woke up with his head nudging me to get up, and let him out. It was awesome. Don't tell Guner.

So I live in a turkish tropical paradise. I am a 30 second walk from the Agean Sea, a 10 second walk from a salt water pool. Its sunny all the time and the skies and water are blue. More pics on Fbook

Do you want to go to a rock concert?

So I started living here I guess...

Yesterday afternoon I decided to walk into town, not really even knowing how far it was, just that it was walkable. Note: by "town" I mean the village of Gumusluk, full of beach side restaurants and tourists.

So after walking about 20 minutes, I pass by a car parked with some middle aged men standing around. I actually remembered them from earlier in the day, because they had witnessed my first leap into the Agean Sea. So they said "Town? Town?" and waved me into their car, and I went with them, figured "why not?" Turned out to be only about a thirty second drive to town, but they dropped me off and went on their way.

I was literally wandering around looking for somewhere to buy a new pre-paid card for my cell phone, and I passed by three girls who were publicizing a concert.

"Hello! Do you want to go to a concert?"

I stopped and came back... "What kind of music?"

"Rock Music! Do you like rock music? Do you want to go to a rock concert?"

I got some info but told them I didn't have a car... to which they responded, "you can come with us!" Uhhhhhhh. YES?! I got a phone card, made some calls, wandered, and came back to ride with them.

We took a mini bus a short ways to a place in the hills called Gumusluk Academy, which apparently rents rooms to artists and writers to stay and work. Turns out the concert was a benefit for an organization trying to keep the ancient city of Myndos (which Gumusluk is built over) to be bought and privatized by some rich guy. The band was apparently really popular in Turkey in the 80's.

So I got drunk and smoked a lot of cigarettes and hung out with the staff of this place. Then I went to a crazy rock show through which the crazy drunk turks sang along and snuck Red Label shots (my kind of girls). It was awesome. I got a ride back home pretty soon after the concert, because I'd missed the last mini bus and had to take what I could get. Most of the people I met aren't sticking around long, so no real friends made, but I can totally do this.

CHECK IT!

Who's Who

So one of these women is my mother:

And this is Guner.

Making your way in the world today...

First, i tried putting pics on here of guner and my mom, but kept getting turkish error messages, so there are some on facebook. Oh yeah, they are all taken by my mom because i forgot my camera. Ha ha ha.

Dropped my mom at the bus stop for the airport and guner and I are drinking tea waiting for a ferry to bidirma from which we will drive to ephasis to see some ruins and then on to bodrum. 1. I drink and enjoy more tea here than I ever dreamed of and 2. I cannot wait to be somewhere I can settle in. I want to meet people I'll see more than once and unpack my suitcase. I want to know how to get around a place and who sells the best figs.

I wasn't prepared for how much I'd stand out here. Generally I like standing out; blending in never appealed to me, but people here stare and boys are very forward. I had emre give his number to my mom after seeing me walk by. A driver who fashioned a flower out of a napkin for me and said I had beautiful eyes. A waiter who showed my mom his ID to prove he was 25. An old man ask me to go home with him when I was alone at starbucks (though I'm pretty sure he thought I was a Russian hooker). And countless other waiters and strangers coming up to me to ask where I'm from, if I'm married, etc. Usually the issue is not that this is happening but the lack of tact. I now know why celebrities get flustered by fans coming up to them. I'm just trying to eat lunch and talk to my family. Please leave me alone. But I can't complain really, better to be pretty than ugly I suppose and I'll get used to the attention. If I can last as a muzungu in Africa, I can certainly handle being blonde in turkey.

-- Post From My iPod

Rubber duckie

Just got back from the hamam, or traditional Turkish bath house. Ummm, okay, life experience... Odd and hilarious and yet still wonderfully relaxing.

Normal enough spa experience to begin. Go to this changing room, wear this cloth... Then you walk into a giant ancient circular tiled room that is at the high end of safe sauna temperatures and are confronted by the truth. Fat old turkish women in black underwear are at work scrubbing down topless Europeans. "Scrubbing down" is by no means an exageration.

The room is mostly filled by a large smooth stone slab. This is essentially the massage table, so you lay down and get comfy and start sweating. when it's your turn to be washed, after a brief wait, during which i stared at the light coming in through the gorgeous stone ceiling, focused on my breathing, and told my mother to shut up,you find your place on the slab in front of one of the matrons. She dumps water on you and scrubs your entire body vigourously. Not gonna lie, it's awesome. Next comes the suds; a literal blanket of lather is laid over you, and the rubbing continues. You flip over, sit up, foot massages, arm massages, etc. When she briefly and enjoyably attacked my shoulders, my big mama pressed my head to her bosom for the best angle. she was all business though, so I refrained from motorboating her. The piece de resistance, however, is the rinse and shampoo. You are lead over to the edge of the room, which is where the numerous taps of running water are found, and told to sit... on the stone floor. Then water is dumped over your head. Warm. Cold. Hot. Warm. Shampoo. Scrub. Water. All I could manage was to not breath in at the wrong moment. When you are done you can relax on the hot stone again,then towel off and dress.

Anyways i sweat a lot but now have some silky smooth skin. Sigh. Good times in the old world.

-- Post From My iPod

Turkish delight

So for those of you that don't know Guner, he is the (wonderful) crazy old turkish man my mother has been engaged to for a couple years. By crazy I mean silly jokester who likes to do things like convince my mom he has invited someone she dislikes to spend the day with us and keeps the rouse going until she practically refuses to speak to him. By old I mean he turns 70 this year.

He grew up muslim but is athiest now (although today he kept asking how to become Mormon). One of his very favorite running gags of the trip has been to pretend he finds the women in full black burkas irresistably attractive. This involves pointing out the "Turkish delights" that have just come around the corner and panting and making "heh heh heh" noises as they walk by. Hilarious.

Get fit turkey!

I swear I've gained 8 lbs since getting here. These people never stop eating bread and cheese and drinking. Not that I'm against these things, I just usually get 90 minutes at the gym to help manage it all.

So today I was determined to get in a run. Now that I think about it, I've never seen anyone out running, but it didn't strike me as that odd. Wrong. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. No. Like I was a fucking idiot. However this didn't stop them from trying to peddle their goods to me; waving a welcoming hand over their window of pastries. Not only have I clearly gone for a jog with lira stuffed down my shorts, but what I'm craving midrun is a generic circle of sesame seed bread. This, btw is called simit, and as far as I can tell is the most popular food in turkey with two or three old men selling it from a cart on every street corner.

Istanbul is a cross between Russia and NYC. Less soviet uniformity than Russia and many more mainstream brands, but the same awkward stuck between east and west, old and new issues. Off to Cuban night at the lycée alumni club!



-- Post From My iPod

Dawn

It's dawnish and I'm up. Out the window of the apt we are staying in the colors are muted And the sky is overcast but it's still beautiful in a way only a city you've never woken up in before can be. I personally love the visual of a cityscape. It's all layers and assymetry. Rows and rows of different heights colors and geometries (and rows and rows and rows for Istanbul, fuck, this city Is big).

I have no idea what we are doing today but my ankles are still puffy from the plane yesterday and my bruise makes me self conscious.

Okay hours later due to lack of wifi. We saw some mosques. We rode some ferries. I pet a lot of stray cats. My mom got some dudes number for me who said he'd teach me english. None of you know guner but if you did it is no surprise he won't let this go. I'm out on my own for the first time right now... Star bucks. But it is convenient to have a native around too. I'm already tired of being a tourist and I really need to work out.


-- Post From My iPod

So fucking scared

So I leave tomorrow. I spent yesterday cleaning out my apartment. Giving away or throwing away about 80-90% of everything I own. Eerie.

I am scared out of my mind. I don't know if I am more scared or more sad. I am scared of the unknown. I am scared of being alone. I am scared of leaving and regretting it, and looking silly for coming home. I know how shitty it can feel to be alone, and I am so scared to feel that way again.

And I am sad. Sad to leave the friends it took me so very long to make here. Sad to leave the comfort it too me so very long to find here. Sad to leave the new people I've just met, and the old people I truly love. I can't help but wonder what I'm going to miss out on here. This is a problem I often have. Never content to be happy where I am. Always wondering whats going on some where else. In this very second, I feel like Lawrence will have the cool stuff I don't want to miss out on.

I know I will make my own memories. I know my life will be better no matter what. I'll be stronger no matter what. I know I will meet amazing people and have so much fun.

But right now, I am just so fucking scared.