So fucking scared

So I leave tomorrow. I spent yesterday cleaning out my apartment. Giving away or throwing away about 80-90% of everything I own. Eerie.

I am scared out of my mind. I don't know if I am more scared or more sad. I am scared of the unknown. I am scared of being alone. I am scared of leaving and regretting it, and looking silly for coming home. I know how shitty it can feel to be alone, and I am so scared to feel that way again.

And I am sad. Sad to leave the friends it took me so very long to make here. Sad to leave the comfort it too me so very long to find here. Sad to leave the new people I've just met, and the old people I truly love. I can't help but wonder what I'm going to miss out on here. This is a problem I often have. Never content to be happy where I am. Always wondering whats going on some where else. In this very second, I feel like Lawrence will have the cool stuff I don't want to miss out on.

I know I will make my own memories. I know my life will be better no matter what. I'll be stronger no matter what. I know I will meet amazing people and have so much fun.

But right now, I am just so fucking scared.