Sacrifice

For those of you not fully versed in the history of yoga, I offer you a very brief intro:  A thousand or so  years before Christ (isn't that still what BC means?)  There were a bunch of teachings or "vedas."  They said all sorts of crazy stuff.  The really early ones (3000 BCish)said a lot about fire sacrifices and chanting priests.  But then after that stuff, the "Upaneshads" offered some new theories about what sort of sacrifice was necessary to connect to your Divinty.  There is the all-so-important sacrifice of the ego or closely related sacrifice of your actions (ala the Bhagavad Gita), but to many of the early followers and students, there was also the sacrifice of "earthly pleasures."  This meant that to truly study and and find your higher Self, you should remove yourself from society and go off into the woods and study and wear simple clothes and basically starve yourself all the time.  It looked like this:






Luckily for me, most modern "Westernized" yogic practices have moved past this understanding of sacrifice.  A lot of Tantric practices even encourage you to partake. Read some Osho stuff... he's ALL ABOUT THE PLEASURE (sometimes to a gross point).

Anyways, this is all only pertinent because I unknowingly signed up for A LOT of sacrifice.  There is obviously the sacrifice of a bunch of time and money, which I happily signed up for, but I have also come face to face with a real and difficult problem.  I cannot get a job.  I have one part time job that DOES NOT pay my bills, and I really don't enjoy but am hanging on to for long-term reasons.  I actually would happily quit that job if something better came along, but I'm not even upset that I still don't have a "career."  I am upset because I just want to be a barista (or a bartender).  I thought it'd be no problem to pick up a couple shifts somewhere.  But apparently, noon to 6 on Saturday and Sunday is an unacceptable time to not be around. This week alone I had three great interviews, each ending with the inevitable "We think you would be a really great fit here and would love to have you on, but we can't hire you with your 'limited availability'."  Which 1) that's using "limited" quite loosely.  There are literally 12 hours I can't work all week and am completely available at all other times and 2) fuck you.

I am an awesome employee.  I FUCKING LOVE making coffee and getting up at 5:30 in the morning to do it.  I am way too smart to have career aspirations like barista or bartender, and will be able to run your store more efficiently than you are currently running it in less than a month.  I honestly like smiling at everybody who walks in your door and trying to help them have a great day.  I know that it makes more sense for them to hire someone who can work whenever, so they can be a lazy asshole when they make their schedule and not worry about thinking too hard about it.  I completely understand where they are coming from, but FUUUUUUUUUCK.   I am so tired of resumes and interviews (which why don't you just ask me on the phone if I'm available weekends, or better yet, read the goddamned online form it took me 45 minutes to fill out that asked for my availability?).  I am tired of not being able to buy new clothes when all my old ones have holes.  I am tired of staying home to save money, and skipping brunch, because what do I look like a Customer Service representative?  I don't have that kind of cash!  I am really tired of craftily convincing people to buy me beers at bars and then being sheepish about accepting them.  I'm tired.

So anyways, to do my YTT I am sacrificing a lot.  It kind of blows. 

Sorry for whining.  Namaste.